


Without You Here

by SkiesOfSilver



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, idk what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 13:46:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4139973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkiesOfSilver/pseuds/SkiesOfSilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan goes on a trip to visit his family for a month, leaving Phil by himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You Here

**Author's Note:**

> It's summer so I'm going to be posting fanfics on random days. Anyways hope y'all enjoy this! I'm also going to post this on my Wattpad, NerdyHelen, and maybe my Tumblr, scrap-author.
> 
> \- Emi xoxo

It's been a month since Dan went on a trip to visit his family back in Manchester. Before he didn't want to go because it meant leaving Phil alone and by himself. Now that they've been dating, Dan expected to hang out with the older male - go on dates and such - but when he got that phone call, he knew it wouldn't happen. Phil, on the other hand, wanted Dan to go spend some time with his family. They lived with each other, for god knows how long, having no time with their own families. Though he kind of regret it days after.

Phil opened his eyes and rubbed them as he let out a small yawn. He got up to check the time on his phone, 10:39 it read. By now he would have gotten up but it was usually Dan that does that. They cuddled together and shared the heat when it was really cold in their room with Dan's head on Phil's chest, hearing the heartbeat of his best friend and loved one.

He wasn't there. He wasn't there to say his usual _Good morning_ and he wasn't there to kiss his forehead or cheek. Phil's face faltered as he saw the empty space next to him.

It had indeed been a month and those days, Phil couldn't help but recall the memories with the brown eyed boy. For example when he got angry at Phil for eating his cereal but he knew he was joking so he laughed.

Previously, either one of them would visit their families when they were just flatmates but even so both got lonely. They did have other friends in the area but it was definitely wasn't the same. Now that they're going out, the feeling deepened and grew.

Phil grabbed his glasses and put it on as he got out of bed. After stretching his arms, he headed to the kitchen to serve himself cereal. He grabbed the milk from the fridge but before pouring the content onto his bowl, he noticed the gallon being very light. Opening the cap, Phil examined the insides. _Gonna have to go out to buy some more milk._ He noted. Just as the milk proceeded to flow out of the carton, the sound of a telephone rang.

Phil's face lightened up, thinking it might be Dan calling him. Without any second thoughts, he set the item down and walked in a rapid manner to the phone.

"Hello?" He said once the receiver made contact with his right ear.

"Phil?" The voice from the other line said.

Phil smiled widely, teeth exposed, as he heard the familiar silvery tone that can only be conveyed through so much love and emotions. "Yeah, it's me."

The younger of the two chuckled. "I'm glad it's you."

The smile on Phil's face grew. It hurt him, smiling too much, but he didn't care. Dan called him and that's all it mattered.

He looked around and decided to sit down on their sofa. The receiver didn't had any cord connected to the telephone so he was able to sit down on a surface without worrying about being near it. "So how's it going with your family?" Phil asked, crossing his legs.

"Good good though honestly I'd rather spend my time with you." Dan replied.

Simply hearing that, made Phil's cheeks turned slightly pink but he immediately tried to laugh it off, "You're just saying that."

Dan paused. It grew silent between them. "I mean it Phil." He said in a serious tone.

Phil bit his bottom lip and looked down, playing with the cotton of his pajama pants with his other hand that didn't hold the receiver. A month seem like a day to other people but for Phil, it's a lifetime. He had to go through 2009 again, his days spent on Skype just to see Dan. Even without seeing him, his voice was soothing to his ears. He could spend all day hearing it but Dan leaving to go back to his family was bound to happen any second.

"Phil?" Dan called out, becoming aware of the silence between them.

"I… I miss you Dan..." Phil softly said, easily telling he was on the edge of crying. "When are you coming back?"

Dan paused but spoke seconds later. "Not for another week." There was sadness hidden beneath those words but Phil recognized the brave front Dan put on.

Phil sighed and kept the smile on as hard as he can. "I understand."

Muttering can be heard from the other line. "Yeah okay." He heard Dan tell the unknown people, assuming it's his family, but returned to speak to Phil. "I gotta go. Sorry if this call was short…"

Phil let out a small chuckle and brought his knees together. "That's okay. I'm happy I got to hear your voice."

"Same here. I love you Phil."

"Love you too Dan."

With that, Dan hung up. Slowly, Phil brought the receiver down to his sides. He looked at it for a bit before returning it. Phil sighed as he hugged his knees, staring at nothing in front of him. _Hurry up week…_

××××××

The door to the supermarket opened and Phil walked inside, eyes glancing around the place. It was Saturday so it was usually packed with people of all ages. As he sauntered to the frozen section with the shopping cart, he felt someone bumped into him from behind. Phil turned around with a confused look and saw it was a small girl, around the age of eight, wearing navy overalls on top of her magenta My Little Pony shirt.

"Hello." Phil greeted kindly and went on his knees to speak to her, eye level.

Her little feet backed away and Phil saw her face staring down onto the black and white marbled tile floor. Her hands behind her back and body shaking timidly. "I-I'm sorry mister..." She spoke in a quiet tone that almost sounded like a whisper.

"That's alright." Phil's lips perked up. "Are you lost?"

Quickly, the girl glanced up then her head went back down to the floor as if every speck of dust taped onto it intrigued her. Though Phil saw her eyes. The color of brown with a tint of other hues blended into it. The color of secrets that's been locked away forever. The color of wanting to be loved but shyness prevented her from doing so. The color that Phil recalled staring sweetly into.

She nodded. Phil stood up and held out his hand. "Come on, I'll help you find your mother."

The girl grabbed it and Phil felt her shaking. Without hurting her, Phil held her and brought her small body up, using his forearm to support her bottom. Her face showed frantic with worry.

"It's okay I got you." Phil said, shushing her.

The little girl nodded and rested her head on the crook of Phil's neck. Grabbing the handle of the cart, he began to push it forward. _Forget the milk. Gonna go find this girl her mother before she gets concerned._

The cart, for some reason, didn't have a flip-up child seat so pushing the cart with one hand whilst holding a child on the other was hard work. Phil had little to no control with the cart so he would occasionally bump into strangers, of course apologizing to them as he does so.

Both the little girl and Phil had their heads up as they looked for her mother. He would ask her "Is that her?" again and again but every time, she would shake her head in response. That didn't stop Phil from looking. He kept searching when a woman from behind called him out.

Phil turned and the woman stopped in front of him, panting slightly as she pushed her thick black glasses up. "That's my child. Thanks so much for finding her," She said as Phil handed her back to her mom.

"You're welcome ma'am." He said. "Though we were looking for you everywhere but couldn't find you."

The woman chuckled. "I'm so sorry for the trouble and also for Gina. She likes to wander around. Little did she know, she'll revert to her shy self especially around strangers."

"She is a cute one." Phil said with a smile. "And you don't need to apologize ma'am."

"Alright." She responded, returning the smile. "Though I feel like I should make it up to you. Coffee maybe?"

"Ah I'd love to but I got to head home, sorry..." Phil kindly rejected her offer sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Oh that's alright!" She said, her smile widening. "Well thanks again for finding Gina. Appreciate your kindness."

Phil nodded and waved them goodbye. He went to the frozen section to get the milk then afterwards headed home once he bought it. By the time he stepped out of the market, the sky was becoming dark but not too dark to be nighttime. His stomach growled. Realizing he hadn't ate lunch, Phil stopped by at the nearest restaurant to fill his stomach up.

××××××

Phil pushed the door open and headed inside his house. It was dark and quiet which made Phil have that feeling of loneliness again. _He's coming back in a week so stop Phil._

After closing the door with his foot because his hands was occupied by multiple plastic bags, Phil walked to the kitchen and grunted as he set the bags on the counter. _Heeeeaaavy. Why did I have to buy more things after eating?_

Phil grabbed his phone out of his pocket and played couple of songs to help him put the necessities away faster. Music does help do that. He placed his phone on the counter after picking a Fall Out Boy song and went to finish his needs while lip synching the lyrics.

Roughly about ten minutes later, he had finished. Phil grabbed his phone and checked the time. _9:13… should I take a shower or not? Would it be too late?_ , He shrugged once he came to a conclusion he will take a shower.

××××××

The older male was supposed to sleep after taking a shower but he found himself on his phone, scrolling through Tumblr, at midnight. Phil hardly does this, always keeping a consist schedule on what time to sleep so he'll be able to wake up alive the next day. Then again, Phil is a heavy sleeper. No noise being able to wake him up.

On Tumblr was full of random things, from animals to funny posts one can relate to. There were also gifs and pictures from their videos. And who can forget Phan.

They have yet to make a coming out video but they assumed people will get the gist of their relationship. After all, hints were thrown in their videos, including the infamous heart eyes howell and love eyes lester.

Seeing so many posts about him with Dan, came that feeling again. _Strange_ , he thought. _He would leave to visit his family in the past but this is really affecting me._ Phil locked his phone and rested it on his stomach as he stared at the colorless ceiling. _Proves how much I love him if I'm aching to see him so bad._

Then came the tears.

He closed his eyes and covered them, allowing the tears to fall. _I've fallen deeply in love with this man... Daniel James Howell._

Shortly, Phil fell asleep with memories flowing through his head. It left him with a smile on.

The tears were gone yet the feeling still lingered.

He often felt… selfish. Kept Dan to himself and couldn't help but feel jealous when he's talking to other people. He isn't one to be the "He's mine, back off" type, in fact that was more like Dan, but Phil does his best to emit the emotion by being affectionate when it was the just the two of them.

He also felt like he's being too affectionate. Getting mere thoughts full of negativity that disrupted his every day actions. Phil wondered how Dan put up with him all these years, even when they were friends. Due to spending practically their whole lives with each other, Dan was able to tell if something is wrong by simply looking at him. Phil's demeanour of smiles and sunshine was destroyed by thinking of what will happen if Dan pushed him away by being too clingy. But a wall was still up and standing. Dan saw through it.

The thing about relationships is one falls in love with another human being and is expected to be all happy. They get into it, being corrupted by "love" and doesn't realize that not everyone gets a happy ending like those in fairy tales. Until everything crumbles down to million tiny pieces that's hard to put together again.

Dan had experienced being heartbroken years ago, crumbled down until he felt nothing but numbness taking over his body but for Phil, not once. Hard to believe that Dan's his first love, his true love, so getting anxious over those thoughts, those demons, no doubt about it. He was scared.

Yet this one person was able to kill those demons off and whisper, "I love you" to him when he needed it. He stayed by him despite having those thoughts.

 _How could I deserved someone so perfect?_ , The question always echoed in his head.

That's when it hit him. He truly genuinely loves Dan.

From his hair that he remembered was long before they met to his eyes that Phil loved looking into as if it's the key to his soul. From his chest that was a barrier to his heart that belonged to Phil and Phil only, to his arms that was willing to protect him from any dangers. From his voice that again he loved hearing to the candy-like kisses he gives.

Phil knew that happy endings don't exist. Yet he rather relished the moments. He had confirmed his love for Dan so there's no turning back. When he'll get those thoughts again, Dan is there to be the energetic warrior because he is the one who definitely made a big impact on his life.

××××××

It was around 2:30 in the morning with the black haired boy still asleep. He managed to fall into the dark abyss at around 1, the thoughts were bothering him, eating him alive, until he came to that conclusion.

But there was a familiar sound that interrupted his dreams.

Phil forced himself to get up. He opened his eyes, grabbed his glasses in a zombie manner, and walked to the door because that's where the sound is coming from.

He was too tired to even questioned who's at the door so he just opened it. Phil didn't realized he was at the door until he heard the voice.

"Hey Phil."

Phil felt his breathing stopped for a second. He got rid of his glasses and rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating or even still dreaming. Once he put them back on, his vision became clear. It was around 2:30 in the morning with the lights all dark but there was couple of lights from outside that reflected in the apartment, easily outlining the face of the person standing in front of Phil.

"D-dan…?" Softly, he said and he smiled that smile. Without him saying anything back, Phil immediately wrapped his arms around Dan's neck and pulled him close for a tight embrace. "Oh god Dan… I missed you so much."

It's been so long.

Dan nodded in agreement and hugged him back, his arms around the waist of the other male. He breathed in the Phil's scent and a smile stamped on his face. "I missed you too."

Phil pulled away, Dan frowning at the loss of warmth, and held his hand. He stared at the floor, not wanting to look up at him. "You said you were going to be gone for another week." Once he said that, Phil looked up, blue orbs locked with brown ones.

Dan brought his other hand up to caress Phil's cheek. "I wanted to see you so I asked my parents if I could leave early and they said yes."

Phil leaned into the touch, "How sweet of you to do that."

"And you sounded like you were going to cry. Did you miss me that bad?" He asked as he closed the distance between them so their foreheads touched.

"Yeah." Phil admitted, his voice equally matching the little girl he met earlier, small and timid-like.

"Well I'm here now."

Phil giggled, "I'm glad."

They stared into each other's eyes in the comfortable silence at 3 in the morning. Slowly, Dan leaned in closer and kissed Phil to which he kissed back with a smile on. The taste of his lips was sweet, Phil liked it.

"I love you Dan." Phil said, foreheads touching once more as their breathing matched in sync.

"Yeah?"

He nodded, "Yeah."


End file.
